Chosen

Hate is a Strong Word

Hate is a strong word that I do my best to avoid.  After all, it’s a four letter word and I tend to treat it as such.  That was until today.  My last blog post I mentioned that things are being revealed to me like never before.  The clarity of reason for my life and God’s purpose for my life are becoming clearer and clearer with each passing day.  And with the realization I was “downloaded” with today I’ve been humbled in ways I can’t even explain.  I thought my stroke and the effects of it humbled me and i was humbled, to a point.  I even mentioned to my audiologist today how much more humble I am today just over 5 years after the stroke.  I actually thought I couldn’t be more humbled, but boy, was I wrong!  I’m learning, ever so slowly, that the Lord has no parameters and how He works is absolutely astonishing.  Those that know me, have read my book, or my blog are aware that I started having visions when I was 9 years old.  I’ve shared that experience many times with many people for many reasons.  But today, I was journaling and this is what was revealed to me:

God Created us to Glorify Him

When I was 9 years old I stopped talking to my parents because they were divorcing for the second time and that fact threw for loop to say the least.  I was hurting by the realization we were going to go through this again in just 18 months, I was angry and full of confusion and hate. I’ve talked about that time in my life of how Jesus came to me and I was thankful for the visit, knowing it had some importance my whole life, but also took it for granted and didn't realize how important His visit was until today.  

Revelation of Revelations

The importance of what was revealed to me today fae exceeds my own life. As i recalled how angry I was. I actually hated my mom and dad so much I wouldn’t even address them or talk to them.  By the way, that hate is bad! There was a rage boiling up in me that if left to fester would have changed the course of my life. I’ve often wondered why Jesus came to me and I thought it was to help me through a tough time. Well, yes that was it in part, but it was much, much deeper than that.  He new that at 9 years old I was at a cross roads in my life of hate or love or in other word destruction or life.   Unfortunately or fortunately, however you look at it, at that particular moment I was leaning toward hate and that’s why Jesus intervened.  He changed the course of my life with that visit, He let me know I would be alright regardless of what my parents did.  He let me know He cared about me and He had His eye on me.  He let me know, regardless of what I was dealing with and the feelings I was experiencing that I wasn't alone and He'd always be there for me. There is so much more that I’ll delve into more at a later time, but what I want emphasize today is this.  I know anger, it may be a long lost friend/foe but I remember him.  I remember the feelings that accompanied him, I remember the hate that he brought with him, I remember the feeling that nothing else mattered other than my anger.  My mom couldn’t fix me, my dad couldn’t fix me, they had already betrayed me and I hated them for that.  A doctor they took me to could not fix me because how could I trust him who I barely knew when the two people I loved the most and I thought loved me in the same way betrayed me.   I couldn’t or wouldn’t, either way the result was the same, talk to him and he couldn’t fix me.  That’s why Jesus came to me, He’s the only one who could fix me, I know that today.  Then the revelation hit me like a ton of bricks, “Jesus saved me before I ever knew it…He chose me".  I realize today, more so than ever, that my life has a much bigger purpose than me just living it.  If you asked me before today, “Do you have a God given purpose?” I would have answered yes.   I knew that and I could have given you great examples in my life to prove it.  But today, I realize why my life has been blessed beyond measure when it should have been, or very easily could have been a wreck.  I realized Jesus chose me, before I chose Him and my pride kept me of realizing it until today.  With my realization today I also realized why God hates pride.  Pride closed my mind and made me the center when in actuality my God given purpose isn’t to glorify myself but to glorify God.  Pride blinded me to the truth, so for the record, as of today, I hate pride!